Thursday, June 2, 2011

What in the world is an femcee?!

     The lexicon of our zeitgeist can be described in one word: dumb.  The abbreviations and misspellings that save the below average and average typist a few seconds lowers the collective IQ of humanity.  When the zombie apocalypse erupts, the kids that don't know how to properly label an envelope, but say "lol" in front of you instead of just laughing, will be the first to die.  The following 2 "words" are my current top offenders of the English language.

      Azn - I've had a long standing hatred of azns  Some of you might know my last rant on the faux word if you read my Livejournal years ago.  It's very, highly probable that "azn" was first typed by a non-Asian.  Well, I know for a fact that it was invented by white, marketing douchebags in the 90's.  How do I know?  Because I was there...Diddly-doot! Diddly-doot! Diddly-doot! (that's the Wayne's World flashback sound effect)

          Scene: Interior, Office
          Coked up Ad guy 1: Sup dude!  Thanks for coming today.

          Me: No problem.  So what's this all about?

          Coked up Ad guy 2: First off, we love Asians and the Orient.  My kid takes Tae Kwon Do.

          Coked up Ad guy 1, nodding his head in agreement: I only cheat on my fiance with Asian girls.

          Coked up Ad guy 2: We do feel though that the word Asian is...boring.  It's almost a new
                                            century.  It's time to hip it up.
          Coked up Ad guy 1: Asian needs to be EXTREME.  

          The execs hi-five each other, laugh, and do a bump.

          Me: I don't know guys.  Asian seems fine to me.

          Ad guy 1: Hey we're cool with it too bro.  Just hear us out, I think you'll like what we've 
                           come up with.
         Ad guy 2: So we dropped the boring s-i-a in the middle and replaced them with the most    
                          EXTREME letter.

          Me: X?

          Ad guy 2: No.  Z!  

          Ad guy 1: Z is 2 more letters more EXTREME than X bro.

          Ad guy 1 reveals the AZN poster.

          Me: Why am I sitting in a heavily modified neon orange Honda Excel?  And how?

          Ad guy 1: Oh it's new program our art department has called Photoshop.  It's amazing.  We can
                           manipulate photos with it.  We can make models even skinnier now!

          Ad guy 2: The car has been tricked out.  It looks fast doesn't it?  Totally extreme.

          Ad guy 1: Totally.

          Me: Cars aren't really my thing.

          Ad guy 1: Of course!  You're Chinese.  We'll change it to a bicycle.

          Ad guy 2: An extreme bicycle.

          Me: Look guys, I'm sorry.  I can't sign off on this change to the word Asian.  You're going to   
                  have a generation growing up even more confused and lost.  Azn is just...dumb.

          Ad guy 1: Well we're sorry you feel that way, but it's a done deal.  People are already typing it as
                           they chat on Prodigy, Compuserve, and AOL.

          Me, as I leave the office: Thanks for wasting my time.

          Ad guy 1, as he sniffs a line of coke off of Ad guy 2's stomach: Anytime dude.

          Ad guy 2, lying on his desk shirtless: Later bro.
          End Scene

     There you have it folks - proof.

     Femcee - Really?!  It is the year of your lord, two thousand eleven.   Yet, you want to continue to make a distinction between females and males of the same occupation.  This is one of the drawbacks of English being rooted in the Romance languages.  That there must continue to be gender specific words is ridiculous.  Perhaps I'm being too harsh with "femcee."  How about a compromise?  In Chinese, the pronouns for "he" and "she" are spelled differently but pronounced the same.  If we make the "f" optional when written and silent when spoken, then it might be ok...I guess.

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